Speaking to God without a single prayer

I’ve been through Catholic school for 7 years of my life. I have memorized the Hail Mary and the Our Father, I remember before every class we would recite them like a sort of written out chant. 

We would say it 5 times a day and yet I never understood one time why we did it.I remember though that questioning why we did it would be considered evil and the teachers would get angry and everyone around you would be horrified. All that did though was make me believe there is no God that everything was a giant script a lot like the pledge of allegiance but to the Vatican. 

Now though I wish to question that prayer,  if anything, was harmful to the belief in God. It actually took down his message and created a fake man made pledge. It’s a lot like repeating a lie and believing it. When you make up a lie out of desperation the first thing you do is repeat it in your own mind of the whole lie and how it went. 

This was not the call to God.Any religion that requires you to pray is not of God’s faith. What I have found useful was reflection and brutal honesty. 

The idea that if I was brutally honest with myself every single day I would succeed.As far as I recall it has worked. Besides thinking of myself as perfect I looked at myself as imperfect and learned as much as possible. I would ask myself honestly did I learn this? And if I didn’t I would sit there until I did. 

The time was long and sometimes the sessions were brutal. I would sit in class even when everyone else is gone and I was the only one there. My electrical chord would be fried and the circuit breaker would be tripped. But I sat there trying to figure it out. 

I believe that the path to God is not through prayer but through brutal honesty of yourself. Stop blaming the world and realize what you are. If you could not get through college because you were smoking dope 99.9% of the time and your rationalization was my family life was rough. Then clearly this was your fault. 

The longer you stay in denial and smoke that dope the more punishments God will give you for your dishonesty. Even though your family life was rough, the only person that suffers is you. The time you waste on blaming the world is time you could be spending being honest and trying to excel in a skill you’re good at. 

They never taught me in catholic school that I was good at electrical work. They taught me that I was stupid because I couldn’t write well or I didn’t like to read Mark Twain. Unfortunately though the public school system has followed the Catholic school system trying to force theory and thus forcing many many people away from Gods pre destined plan. 

People who probably failed out or people struggling in life who feel terrible about themselves. I remember crying every single night thinking I was an idiot. I even called myself an idiot for a long time. But thanks to my technical college LA trade tech I’ve found out I wasn’t an idiot. 

In fact I have a lot to look forward to now.The amazing people I’ve met who have felt that were in the same boat as me showed me I was brilliant and encouraged my love for electricity to the point where I have begun to even build electronics around my feelings. 

I have become what God wanted all along, to merge my love for electronics into my actual human emotions. It was an ultimate transcendence into the idea of God to the point where I have built so much. 

An example would be this flower I built for my Girlfriend. A small motor with a twirling daisy and a 9 volt battery connector along with vynyl tubing had created me into a robot with a heart. I am metal but I have a purely beating heart.

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